Posts Tagged ‘regret’

There are times when I believe I am a fashion designer instead of an accountant.  I constantly have this inner conflict about whether or not I made the right decision… for my future.  Since I was a child (and I mean… child as in I didn’t even start school yet), I’ve been drawing human figures. My drawings started out odd and disproportionate, but over the years, they have developed greatly. 

In the fourth grade, I decided that I wanted to be a fashion designer.  I simply enjoyed sketching designs and making clothes.  I spent hours at a time drawing figure after figure, clothing after clothing.  When I was older, I even cut out NYC Fashion Week photos from the newspaper and collected fashion magazines to look at in my free time.  During school, I spent my lunch hours in the library sketching my next design.  Fashion was so amazing to me.

However, my parents thought it was so silly for me to want to be a fashion designer.  Even my sister thought it was ridiculous; I told her when I first decided that I wanted to be a fashion designer and she told my parents because she wanted to see their reaction.  It hurt to have my family laugh at something that I loved so much.  I argued with them about this because I hated that they didn’t support me at all- fashion designing was my dream since I was in elementary school.  To some degree, I grew apart from my family over this… they kept telling me that I would never get a job if I went into design.

Despite my love for fashion designing, I realized that what they said was right- the world of fashion design is very difficult to break through.  Did I really want to spend my youth pushing and pushing to make myself stand out from all of the other 980709871069807096897 fashion designer newbs out there?  Especially since I’ve always wanted to start a family before 30, fashion designing would hold back that dream.

And so I let go of fashion designing.

In my senior year of high school, I heard that some people in my year were going to fashion school- and to be honest, it pissed me off when they would say “I’m going to fashion school because I love fashion and I have great fashion sense so I want to share that with other people.”  That’s no reason to go to fashion school- seriously, just because they have no other skills but dolling themselves up???  And I may not be a qualified person to judge… but their figure sketches sucked… how can a designer design quality clothes on a figure that isn’t even drawn correctly? 

I am currently getting my accounting degree and it’s not like I don’t enjoy the subject… it’s just that my mind likes to think, what would have happened if I went to fashion school?  My life would be so different than it is now and that’s strange to think about… I would have different people in my life, a different lifestyle, a different personality, different experiences, different skills, etc. etc. 

Two years ago, my sister started medical school and she asked me to draw sheets and sheets of human figures for her to use as diagrams of the human body to study from.

A couple of weeks ago, when my parents were helping me move-in, my mom found my fashion sketches that I stored in one of the boxes and commented that it would have been nice for me to be a fashion designer if the field wasn’t so difficult to get into. 

Sometimes, I wish I could have believed in myself more.

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We often want second chances. Sometimes we don’t deserve them. The feeling of regret and wishing for another chance is common when a couple separates. Whoever is at fault usually searches for sympathy as they have realized in hindsight their mistakes. – Wongfu

One of the best Wongfu videos to date is The Places We Should Have Gone.  I came across the video last night when I was watching another Wongfu video.  Usually, Wongfu videos are pretty silly, but this one really caught my attention.  If you read the blurb underneath the video, this short film was made by Philip Wong when he went to Taiwan.  Not only did this short film contain amazing scenes of Taiwan, but it also had a mellow storyline that kind of makes you feel sad.  For me, this film made me think about the theme: second chances.

If I were in Becky’s position, would I give Daniel a second chance?  The answer is no.  I can understand how it would be difficult to turn away someone that I still have feelings for, but that person made a decision, realized that it was a mistake, and wants another chance.  The truth is, some people just don’t deserve second chances.  Time cannot erase heartache… and seeing that person again would deepen the wound in my heart.

As mature adults, we should be able to make wise decisions.  Life does not have a “redo” button and we have to accept that as a fact.  Especially when it comes to love, the heart is a very sensitive organ.  The heart cannot be toyed around with and careless decisions can damage hearts.

Really… we should consider the people around us, the people we are in relationships with… how important are these people in our lives?  Can we say that we truly love them?  What would we do without them?  If these people are important, then we can never let them go… we have to hold on tight because we never know… once we let go, we may never get a second chance.

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Family is a very important aspect of my life.  I’ve realized this concept in its entirety yesterday.  My mom, dad, and sister are the three most important people in my life.  What would I do without one of them?

Up until now, I’ve heard all that crap about cherishing your family and stuff because you won’t be able to get them back after they are gone and blah blah blah… But I never actually THOUGHT about all of that until recently.

Every day, every minute, every second that I spend with my family members is important because what will happen if an “accident” happens one day and I lose one of them… I’d regret…  I’d regret not being nice enough to them, not listening to them, not talking enough to them.  Regret… that’d be all I feel.  And it’s the worst feeling a person can experience.  Regret is not even something that we can just “move on from.”  People always say that they live with no regrets… they just move on and try to improve their future.  That’s a lie because no one can just “clear” their mind of such things.  Memories stay with you forever, even if you try to escape them.

Regret, such a powerful word, an emotion we cannot avoid or surpass.  Despite the fact that sometimes we fight with the people we love most, we cannot live as if they’ll always be there the next time we decide to finally talk to them.  We must treasure those we love… hold onto them like there’s no tomorrow.  It’s the only way to keep those that we love by our side and get the most out of life.

Unfortunately, death is inevitable.  It’ll come after our loved ones soon enough, and that is the terrifying aspect of “death” himself.

I once heard someone ask, “Would you rather live a fun and exciting, but short life, or a monotonous but long life?”  I didn’t quite take in the question then… I simply overlooked the question…  But now, I’ve realized the meaning in this question.  It has dawned on me that there is nothing good about a fun, exciting life.  Sure, you get to live your life to its fullest, but what’s the point if you have to leave this world so quickly…  Is it really worth it?  To me, a monotonous life appears to be more meaningful….  Sure, there is none of that fun and drama, but there’s nothing wrong with taking your time to view the beauties of life.  A simple, slow moving, and long life.  Isn’t that ideal for someone to spend the rest of their life with the people they love the most?

My only wish is to live a long, happy life.  Even if it’s simple and boring I don’t mind.  I’d rather live simply with the most natural lifestyle a person can live.  Being surrounded by the people I love and living healthy is all I’m worried about.  Simple… Simplicity is the key to happiness.

Will my wish be granted?

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