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Posts Tagged ‘home’

Today has been smoother than yesterday so far.  But I am very bored.  Independence comes at the price of loneliness.  I started out my day searching for apartments, places that had potential for me to call “home” in the near future.  A contrast from the slums I am in now, the places I looked at today appeared closer to my dreams and hopes when I first signed up to be in one of the most expensive cities to live in.  Slowly, I felt my dream come alive again.

Last night was a tough night.  I didn’t really sleep, it was one of those 50/50 sleeps where you’re half conscious and half sleeping.  I went to bed at 9:30 but never really went to sleep.  I kept hearing police sirens, ambulances, screaming and yelling, crying, and moans throughout the night.  And I woke up this morning to a fight between two homeless people which had to be broken up by a police officer… At 8:45 in the morning.

The more I think about, the more I feel ready to begin my life here.  Success doesn’t fall into the palms of our hands… We have to work past obstacles and really earn it.  The trouble with going so far away from home is not having a support system nearby and being alone all the time, which can be a really scary thing.  But it gives me the time to figure out what I want and what I’m looking for.

In a couple of days I will finally see what my career life will be like.  If I’m satisfied I will have to match my personal life with it… Starting with my own decent sized apartment.  I just can’t live two contrasting lives.  And I’ll have funds to stay at a decent place, so why not make the best of my time in SF? That’s all I’ve ever really wanted- a cozy, trendy, minimalistic apartment located within an appropriate distance from my workplace in the heart of a city.  Hopefully my dream can come true next year.

And if it doesn’t work out? I’m not sure yet, to be completely honest.  Maybe I can go back home to NY but that’s like starting back at one.  Manhattan won’t be any cheaper  and I will not go back to Long Island to start over.  I love LI and all but it’s where I grew up and it’s a small town kind of place.  I’m looking to spend my twenties in the city so that I can make something of myself, become a big shot, and earn $$$ so that I can afford a nice home in a good neighbourhood in the suburbs when I start my family.

Now, I’m sitting in the mall waiting to eat dinner before heading back to my room.  My feet are killing me from all the walking this morning.  Day 2 and I’ve got blisters already.  I’ve never treasured my parents, my home, my bed, a nice shower, and home cooked food as much as I do now.  I wish I could be with my parents and in the protection of their home now.  Everything really matters… Everything.  When you lose it all, you realise it.

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Urban Dictionary Definition of White Trash:

Slang term for white people that usually live in a trailer park. With low incomes that spend their tax returns on things like big screen TV’s instead of clothes for their kids. These people tend to be mouthy and fight frequently. Generally these people are uneducated and have little concern for personal hygiene. To see these people at their best watch Jerry Springer.

Okay, so this isn’t EXACTLY the white trash that I’m talking about, but they belong in the same category of white trash (more or less).

And the part that makes me twitch is that I live with white trash. *twitch*  Just so we’re clear, I don’t live in a trailer park with dirty people- rather I live in a community of older generation white women, divorcees, and people who love to isolate themselves with dogs.

My complaint about older generation white women- well, I think this one is pretty clear.  Older generation Caucasians are known to be very “traditional”- in other words, they’re racist as hell!  I didn’t think that this was true… until I started living with a bunch of them in my community!  Don’t get me wrong, some old people are great and enjoyable to spend time with- but these women I live with, THEY ARE WHITE TRASH.  All they do is gossip like teenagers in high school and pick on non-Caucasians (ehem. like me and my family).  Seriously, these grannies need to get a hobby other than being “mouthy.”  Can’t they be like other old people and just read books and knit in a rocking chair in their apartments???  And then there are also the old women who go around “dating” and bragging about their “boyfriends.”  Okay, these oldies have grandchildren and they’re 65+… it’s kind of gross to hear them say “my boyfriend (◕‿◕✿)” and see them constantly run in and out of their apartments with their grampy boyfriends.  I swear… it’s like seeing teenagers date for the first time… only these “teenagers” are 65+.  SPEND TIME WITH YOUR GRANDCHILDREN AND FAMILY INSTEAD OF YOUR GRAMPY BOYFRIEND.

And divorcees sound regular… but the divorcees here are weird.  I can’t even describe it- they’re young too so they can date around again… but they don’t (they should switch mindsets with those old grannies who have boyfriends) and choose to isolate themselves in their apartments… they don’t talk to anyone and just hermit all day every day.  Now if they just hermit all day, that’s fine, but THEY FREAKING TREAT THE COMMUNITY LIKE A BIG GARBAGE DUMP.  They always leave large smelly packs of garbage NEXT to the dumpster, not IN the dumpster.  Um-

Last set of white trash- the dog lovers.  Sounds innocent enough- NOPE.  They own like 10 dogs each and walk them around the community every 20 seconds and make them pee and poop everywhere on the grass.

That is just nasty.  Like seriously, if they’re going to complain about the grass being dead, think… THINK… about what causes it to die.  EXCESSIVE DOG PEE AND POOP KILLS THE LITTLE MOTHER NATURE WE HAVE IN NEW YORK, okay?  Maybe spread the pee out or something if the dogs MUST pee on the grass… because peeing in the same spot… that’s just dumb.  And the poop.  I really don’t get the poop.  Pick it up and put it in the dumpster please.  It’s really not THAT hard and besides, if they really love your dog, their poop shouldn’t gross them out.  The same rule applies to parents and I don’t see this problem among kids- do you see kids squatting and leaving puddles of pee and poop solids around in parks?  Yea exactly.

I am so sick of living here- and I really hate that we can’t even move because the economy is so bad that NO ONE WANTS TO BUY OUR PLACE.  I want to leave this white trash community… 빨리 빨리!  I hate the people here, I hate the poop on the grass, and I hate white trash.

Long Island is cool and all, but I am definitely not sticking around here for long.

Too much white trash to deal with and I’ve had enough with them.

I heard Canada has less trash in general- that’s why I’m considering heading north!

ㅎㅎㅎ

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