Posts Tagged ‘fate’

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I make up a hundred excuses just to run into you by chance.

When I least expected it, you made your way into my life, into my head, into my heart.  I didn’t know you well and definitely didn’t plan on being acquaintances with you.  You were just a stranger, like any other stranger I walk past on the street.  As time went on, you became a frequent visitor of my routine life.  Okay, so you were no longer a stranger, but an acquaintance.  No expectations.

And then… I’m not sure how- but we became more and more familiar with each other.  Still no expectations.  I thought things would end as abruptly as it had started- no beginning, no ending… and no closure.  

Yet, I find my presence, my life intertwined with yours again.  I don’t understand.  You were supposed to be a stranger but you keep making your presence known in my life.  I hate to think that our fates somehow have to cross paths because I don’t like expectations that aren’t within reach.  At the same time, I am curious why we keep meeting.  

I find myself increasingly wanting to talk to you, have a conversation with you because I want to understand.  And I may be wrong, but I think you want to as well.  You are quiet and like to keep to yourself, not very different from me.  But when I say something to you, you try to keep the conversation going.  I think that’s nice because quite frankly, you can just answer my question and not talk to me.  Like the other day- I simply asked you a question out of courtesy… well, also because I kept accidentally making eye contact with you for days already.  I felt obligated to break the awkwardness, so I asked you a question.  You answered and I didn’t expect anything more.  But whenever I turned around, you always had more to say as if you were trying to build a conversation.  So I played along, like the other times in the past.

It’s fun getting to know you.  And truthfully, I really enjoy talking to you.  But our conversations never last long- not once.  It seems that whenever we start getting more comfortable with the conversation and the awkwardness disappears, someone always cuts it off.  A knife that slices the fun in the air- that’s what it feels like.  Every.  Single.  Time.  

I’ve never met anyone like you, you are quite interesting and unique.  With you, it’s like time slows down… dramatically.  I usually get to know someone, at least the basics, pretty quickly after I first meet them.  You… it’s taking forever.  Everything is in slow motion… which is weird.  It also doesn’t help when someone always breaks the conversation…

Despite it all, as time passes on, your presence is leaving an imprint on me.  Every day, expectations grow and I find myself wanting to see you, wanting to talk to you.  Curiosity drives me crazy these days.  And so I make up a hundred reasons just to cross paths with you.  

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Starting over isn’t as easy or magical as we may believe it to be.  It’s… a complicated path in which we move backwards from the present to the past.  In turn, the past becomes the present and the present becomes the future.  But this reversal of time is hard to accomplish successfully, similar to defying gravity.  We can’t simply break the laws of nature- we need a reason to… a good one.

Most of us start over because we want to let go of the past and start fresh.  We want a second chance, a third chance, perhaps more, at life.  But do more chances mean that we will make it right one of those times?  Do we deserve another chance?  Can we even have another chance?

We like to think that we possess the rights the answers of these questions, but we may not be the ones entitled to answer them.  Our society has taught us that we control our lives and our future… but do we really?  Our lives are interconnected with one another and every decision we make affects at least one other person.  If we think about it this way, then doesn’t that mean that our lives are partly controlled by the decisions of others?  Yes- and so we return to the question of who decides whether or not we receive another chance.

Starting over sounds simple.  In the past, I’ve vowed to start over several times.  Not once did I succeed… just like how I haven’t defied gravity yet either.  Time has taught me about starting over.  Starting over is something we want, naturally, when we’ve made mistakes.  For example, if our cake drops to the floor, don’t we want a new, clean piece of cake?  Surely we treat life the same way- we want to replace the marred one with a clean one.  But what happens when the baker refuses to give us a new piece, claiming that it was our fault for dropping our portion of the cake…

Second chances are hard to come by… and even when they do happen, they may not necessarily be a good thing.  Starting over… if we cherished our present then we wouldn’t wish to start over so often.  Things happen for a reason, even mistakes.  We fall, and sometimes our falls leave scars, but we get back up and walk on; there’s no need to crawl back to the beginning and try walking again without falling.  Instead, we continuously move forward and keep in mind not to fall as we did before.  Continuously moving forward will get us to our destination faster than constantly moving back and starting over.

In the end, our fates have already been determined… living is only the path to our fates.  Whether we continuously move forward or start over, we will end up where we are supposed to be.  After all, our lives are interconnected.  Even if we make a choice that leads us off the path of our fate, someone’s decision will bring us back on the right path.

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Long Distance LoveI once heard a quote, “You have to stay by the one you love.  Distance can make hearts grow apart.”  This quote made me think about love that is kept apart.  Whether by distance or certain circumstances, can two hearts fated to be together really be pulled apart?  We all know that love is a very strong emotion.  It makes people do crazy things, and sometimes idiotic things.  And as for the heart, which carries the strong feeling of love, can it really be able to let go of another heart?  In other words, can two hearts really grow apart if they are not near each other?  If you really think hard about this, then isn’t it also true that when two hearts finally meet again, they start remembering the same feelings?  This topic is one where it’s very iffy because it deals with something that is not black and white.  To me, I feel like the heart is a very special organ because it is able to carry the weight of “love” and all of the bitter sweetness that comes with it.

Some people maintain the belief that if two hearts are fated, then nothing, and I mean NOTHING, can tear them apart.  Others maintain the belief that two hearts MUST be within range to keep those feelings alive.  I guess this issue is one that goes in circles.  One idea leads to the next, but the next idea just brings you back to the beginning.  It may be true that two hearts must be near each other.  But in the case that they aren’t, maybe the hearts ache for one another.  Suppose they call out to the other.  And what happens in the case that both hearts are never able to meet again?  Does the love end just because of distance?

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