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Posts Tagged ‘dreams’

I feel like I am living in a dream.

From last night, I have been wandering beyond.

Still wondering where I am.

Whether or not this is a good dream, I cannot tell.

We had a conversation where we said all that needed to be said.

So real that I woke up and wondered how I was sleeping the whole time.

You were not there- confusing me.

Throughout the day, I continued to float on the cloud you put me on.

Sunset time, I looked out the window and found myself surrounded by fluff.

Big, puffy cotton balls were glowing in a sea of pinks and purples.

Again, I wondered if this was real.

It felt like I was floating off to some magical place.

I almost expected unicorns to appear.

The sea of pink and purple eventually turned into a deep, sparkling blue.

Shades of blue swirled around me.

Today was beautiful, so dream-like.

The dream started when you unexpectedly appeared in my sleep last night.

Can this dream never end?

Drowsiness is hitting me, snapping me back to reality.

Perhaps I will have a déjà vu of today some time in the near future.

May I have more sweet dreams tonight,

And tomorrow night,

Forever.

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Describe the last nightmare you remember having. What do you think it meant?

While I love to sleep, I am afraid to sleep at the same time.  When I am asleep, I lose my guard- I am unaware of my surroundings and lose control of my mind and body.  Sleep is also a passageway that takes us from reality to the world of dreams… and nightmares.

I think most of us would agree that we would want our dreams to last longer.  It is unfortunate that I really can’t remember most of my dreams.  They are a nice contrast to the reality I am in, but I can never seem to make them last.  The second I wake up, I lose all “memory” of my dream-

Now, I’ve tried lucid dreaming after I read about it in the newspaper some years ago (okay, I’m not super old… but it feels like way long ago that I was still in elementary/middle school reading Newsday).  Anyway, lucid dreaming is very, very difficult to do.  I am a separate me in my dreams as opposed to the me in the real world.  It’s like… I have no will, no control over the dream version of me.  I do what I do in my dreams with a separate mind.

Freddy KruegerSo… what does lucid dreaming have anything to do with nightmares?  Well, to me, good is to bad as dream is to nightmare.  If lucid dreaming is possible in dreams, then I’m sure it can be possible in nightmares as well.  Just think back to Freddy Krueger…  I know, I know- Freddy Krueger is a hellish figure none of like to think about at any given moment (let alone in our sleep or daydream, him visiting us in those place is a major no-no).  But, seriously, Freddy Krueger took nightmares to a new level.  He took control of people in their sleep- and when I was a kid, I’m pretty sure his nightmare on elm street had SOME effect on me and my period of nightmares.  To this day, I’m not sure what was going on with me when I was ages 3-5.  I spent those couple of years with nightmares almost every night.  They were short nightmares though- things like getting hot oil poured in my eyes, walking into an empty elevator, etc. etc.  In the middle of the night, I would always wake up and hear the faucet running and someone pacing up and down the stairs… but there was definitely no one around- everyone in the house was sleeping.

That period of my life was short-lived, but still comes back to haunt me on certain nights.  There are nights where I try to wake up by opening my eyes but I can’t seem to do it.  Obviously something terrifying is happening to me and I know that I’m dreaming… but I can’t just “leave” my dream.  Whatever these experiences are, I feel like there’s something that I don’t know… but should know… which makes me concerned.  It’s really scary to not be able to wake up- I swear I can even hear my family going about their morning routine and yet I’m stuck in the nightmare.  And when I say I can’t open my eyes, I mean that they feel like they are glued together and that I have to pry them open with scissors or something.

Come to think of all the freaky things that happened to me, I also believe I encountered my dead grandma in my old house.  I won’t go into detail but after an orange caused a ruckus and the TV mysteriously turned on 3 times, I believe my grandma was there.  You can be a non-believer of ghosts all you want and call me crazy, but I experienced it and know that what happened was not “coincidence.”

When I was in late middle/early high school, I would wake up nearly every night in pain because I felt someone snipping at my calf muscles with scissors.  I talked to my doctor about it, hoping that it was some medical problem, but nothing was wrong with me or my legs.  Yet, every night, I felt the same cutting feeling.  I was paralyzed in pain and could barely walk the next day.

Sometimes I really believe that I live in a horror story.  From a young age, I experienced all these crazy things that children that age don’t normally experience.  I understand that it is normal for children to have night terrors, but mine were not night terrors.  And interestingly enough, after my little bout with nightmares from ages 3-5, I became indifferent to horror films.  Seriously.  People think I’m weird because I watch all these asian horror films, which get pretty gruesome, and have no emotion at all.  I wonder about it as well- instead of getting freaked out and scared, I get this high.  For example, the foot cutting scene from Takashi Miike’s Audition is a scene I absolutely love and would watch over and over again.  Some of these types of scenes stick out and replay in my head.

So then- I haven’t had a huge nightmare in awhile, you know, those ones that scare you so much that you never forget them.  But there is one nightmare that I constantly had during that time when I was 3-5 and has periodically visited me in my sleep.  Nothing insanely scary, but I really dread this dream of falling down an empty elevator shaft.  This nightmare happens so fast (probably less than a minute) and always jolts me awake.  When I wake up, I am always on the edge of my bed.  But in the nightmare, I’m always alone, walking towards an elevator.  When the elevator comes, I step in without looking- ultimately, I step into an endless black hole that I think represents my death.  Why do I keep having this horrific nightmare?  I still can’t figure out the reason… every night, I prepare for this nightmare by remembering to lucid dream.  Well… the problem with that is that I don’t have lucid dreaming skills.

Sleep can be so comfortable and relaxing at times… but I’m always hesitant when I go to bed, especially at night.  I believe in ghosts… and I think death comes out at night to take people.  I wonder how many more times I have to step into that endless elevator shaft…

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做夢

Two days ago, I had a dream.

In my dream, you came for me.

You approached me with a smile

And asked, “Do you remember who I am?”

I said  ”Mm” because I didn’t know what to say.

Inside, I was so happy that you found me.

You hugged me from behind.

I started to cry because you were with me.

My heart, my soul, was anticipating our future.

Two days ago, I had a dream.

In my dream, you came for me.

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Dreams are a peculiar thing.  Early this morning, I had one.  I entered the dream at around 12:00 PM and my flight was leaving at 1:00 PM.  I was eating and tossing necessity items into a duffel bag for my flight.  My parents were watching me as I did all of this.  Apparently, I was going somewhere for a couple of days- perhaps 3 or so.  I texted one of my friends and asked her if I had to be at the airport at 1:00 PM.  She responded and told me that people arrive at different times but the plane is taking off at 1:00 sharp.  I stuffed some food into my mouth quickly and threw the duffel bag over my shoulder…. I woke up.

This dream didn’t puzzle me that much.  Why?  Lately, I’ve been having quite a few of these mind boggling and what-the-fuck-am-I-doing-here dreams.  There was one a couple of weeks ago in which I met this super hot Korean guy named Dongsu (and we hit it off).

Anyway, how am I supposed to interpret these dreams?  In the past, I’ve had dreams in which I didn’t understand it at the moment… but it made sense later on at another time.  Are my dreams telling me something?  Or are they just reflections of my hopes and ironically, my dreams.  The dream that I had last night… it either means that I WILL travel this summer (ehem ehem) or that I just have a great desire to see the world (I already know that I desire this).  And what about Dongsu?  Who is this Dongsu?  Why did I connect with him so much?  Why do my thoughts still drift to him at all times of the day?  I haven’t even met the guy… I don’t even know if he exists.  Weird.

If any more of these mysterious dreams comes to haunt me, I’ll make sure to keep tabs on here.  I’ll get to the bottom of this. -_-

 

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