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There are times when I believe I am a fashion designer instead of an accountant.  I constantly have this inner conflict about whether or not I made the right decision… for my future.  Since I was a child (and I mean… child as in I didn’t even start school yet), I’ve been drawing human figures. My drawings started out odd and disproportionate, but over the years, they have developed greatly. 

In the fourth grade, I decided that I wanted to be a fashion designer.  I simply enjoyed sketching designs and making clothes.  I spent hours at a time drawing figure after figure, clothing after clothing.  When I was older, I even cut out NYC Fashion Week photos from the newspaper and collected fashion magazines to look at in my free time.  During school, I spent my lunch hours in the library sketching my next design.  Fashion was so amazing to me.

However, my parents thought it was so silly for me to want to be a fashion designer.  Even my sister thought it was ridiculous; I told her when I first decided that I wanted to be a fashion designer and she told my parents because she wanted to see their reaction.  It hurt to have my family laugh at something that I loved so much.  I argued with them about this because I hated that they didn’t support me at all- fashion designing was my dream since I was in elementary school.  To some degree, I grew apart from my family over this… they kept telling me that I would never get a job if I went into design.

Despite my love for fashion designing, I realized that what they said was right- the world of fashion design is very difficult to break through.  Did I really want to spend my youth pushing and pushing to make myself stand out from all of the other 980709871069807096897 fashion designer newbs out there?  Especially since I’ve always wanted to start a family before 30, fashion designing would hold back that dream.

And so I let go of fashion designing.

In my senior year of high school, I heard that some people in my year were going to fashion school- and to be honest, it pissed me off when they would say “I’m going to fashion school because I love fashion and I have great fashion sense so I want to share that with other people.”  That’s no reason to go to fashion school- seriously, just because they have no other skills but dolling themselves up???  And I may not be a qualified person to judge… but their figure sketches sucked… how can a designer design quality clothes on a figure that isn’t even drawn correctly? 

I am currently getting my accounting degree and it’s not like I don’t enjoy the subject… it’s just that my mind likes to think, what would have happened if I went to fashion school?  My life would be so different than it is now and that’s strange to think about… I would have different people in my life, a different lifestyle, a different personality, different experiences, different skills, etc. etc. 

Two years ago, my sister started medical school and she asked me to draw sheets and sheets of human figures for her to use as diagrams of the human body to study from.

A couple of weeks ago, when my parents were helping me move-in, my mom found my fashion sketches that I stored in one of the boxes and commented that it would have been nice for me to be a fashion designer if the field wasn’t so difficult to get into. 

Sometimes, I wish I could have believed in myself more.

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