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우연처럼 널 만나기 위해 백가지 이유를 만들어.

I make up a hundred excuses just to run into you by chance.

When I least expected it, you made your way into my life, into my head, into my heart.  I didn’t know you well and definitely didn’t plan on being acquaintances with you.  You were just a stranger, like any other stranger I walk past on the street.  As time went on, you became a frequent visitor of my routine life.  Okay, so you were no longer a stranger, but an acquaintance.  No expectations.

And then… I’m not sure how- but we became more and more familiar with each other.  Still no expectations.  I thought things would end as abruptly as it had started- no beginning, no ending… and no closure.  

Yet, I find my presence, my life intertwined with yours again.  I don’t understand.  You were supposed to be a stranger but you keep making your presence known in my life.  I hate to think that our fates somehow have to cross paths because I don’t like expectations that aren’t within reach.  At the same time, I am curious why we keep meeting.  

I find myself increasingly wanting to talk to you, have a conversation with you because I want to understand.  And I may be wrong, but I think you want to as well.  You are quiet and like to keep to yourself, not very different from me.  But when I say something to you, you try to keep the conversation going.  I think that’s nice because quite frankly, you can just answer my question and not talk to me.  Like the other day- I simply asked you a question out of courtesy… well, also because I kept accidentally making eye contact with you for days already.  I felt obligated to break the awkwardness, so I asked you a question.  You answered and I didn’t expect anything more.  But whenever I turned around, you always had more to say as if you were trying to build a conversation.  So I played along, like the other times in the past.

It’s fun getting to know you.  And truthfully, I really enjoy talking to you.  But our conversations never last long- not once.  It seems that whenever we start getting more comfortable with the conversation and the awkwardness disappears, someone always cuts it off.  A knife that slices the fun in the air- that’s what it feels like.  Every.  Single.  Time.  

I’ve never met anyone like you, you are quite interesting and unique.  With you, it’s like time slows down… dramatically.  I usually get to know someone, at least the basics, pretty quickly after I first meet them.  You… it’s taking forever.  Everything is in slow motion… which is weird.  It also doesn’t help when someone always breaks the conversation…

Despite it all, as time passes on, your presence is leaving an imprint on me.  Every day, expectations grow and I find myself wanting to see you, wanting to talk to you.  Curiosity drives me crazy these days.  And so I make up a hundred reasons just to cross paths with you.  

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Protected: Little Winter Story

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I fall in love every day. 

In the midst of my busy life, I fall in love every day… with strangers, with familiar faces, with someone.  It’s a strange concept and I’m not sure I even fully understand it myself, but it’s such a wonderful thing.

Whether I am walking down the street, sitting on the bus, or buying groceries, someone always catches my eye and I find myself falling in love with their smile, their act of generosity, their words of wisdom, or whatever it is about them.

I’ve thought about this over and over again- is it possible to fall in love this easily and so often?  Well, there are 3 different kinds of love according to the Greeks: eros, philos, and agape.

Eros is defined as “erotic love”- I like to call it selfish love… simply because this type of love is based on strong physical attraction.  So… really it’s just a physical desire to have someone to satisfy YOUR needs.

Philos is love between friends and family.  It’s more of a mutual love and the love has more substance than eros…

Agape is unconditional love, a selfless kind of love.  I first heard of this term in my 10th grade English class, where we used “agape” to describe the relationship between Heathcliff and Catherine (their relationship was just strange if you ask me…).  I guess agape is also the love used in most dramas, particularly Korean ones.

I think these 3 classifications do a good job of summarizing the types of love possible- I mean, these 3 are pretty broad so they pretty much cover it all.  By process of elimination… I know I’m definitely NOT feeling agape love every day.  However, I cannot distinguish whether or not I am feeling eros or philos- perhaps a mix of both?  I do not like to think that I am selfishly loving these strangers every day- I am simply standing afar fascinated by some aspect of them.  At the same time, I do not like the term mutual love either… I may be admiring them from afar but that does not signify reciprocation.

So then… what is it that I feel?  Can it even be called “love”?  I think I may have to add a new category of love to these 3- something that describes this sense of loving someone for who they are.  No… scratch that… I don’t know some of these people, so I can’t say I love them for who they are, right?

Category or not, love is love.  Every day, I know I fall in love, sometimes with someone new, and sometimes with the same person.  Now, don’t get me wrong, love is still complicated- definitely not as simple as sitting on the bus and falling in love with the person sitting in front of you.  Rather, it’s a little bit painful, even with strangers.  Love hurts.  And… watching at a distance wondering if I will ever see that person again or get a chance to know that person is a bit of a struggle every day.

I first contemplated this concept when I was in Seoul.  Seoul mainly runs on public transportation so I was on public transport almost 24/7.  I saw, met, spoke to many different strangers every day.  And sometimes, I got the feeling that I fell in love with them- but it was weird because I barely knew them.  But, there was always something about each person that attracted me to them.  I realized that I had been this way for a long time… and even now, I think I am this way too.  I still puzzle myself sometimes… even surprise myself at times.

Love is a good thing for us mentally and physically.  Loving openly is an even better thing.  Why hide our love when we have so much of it to give?

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Protected: Waiting for the Moment

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I like them older… and I ain’t ashamed of it!

……………..

While most of my friends like young idols like the guys from EXO, U-KISS, Big Bang, Infinite, SHINee, etc. (don’t get me wrong, I have my biases too), I find myself more attracted to the Korean industry’s … AHJUSSIS.  These guys were handsome in their heyday and still look great for their age, but are considered old for someone like me, who is inching towards the big 2-0.  Like I said, most people my age are into the young studs, so when I reveal my inner fangirl crushes on the ahjussis, I get shunned!  😦

Oh well, getting shunned doesn’t make me less attracted to them ahjussis- certain ahjussis, not just any old fart. 

So which ahjussis do I have a crush on?  I shall introduce you- but be warned, they are MINE.  내꺼야!

(more…)

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