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Archive for June, 2013

Sorting Out Confusion

Tomorrow is an important day for me- my first one-on-one with an associate.  I am not really sure how I pulled this off- but somehow I landed myself an office tour and a lunch meeting with KPMG.  This is typical of my life though, uncalled for and random events that throw me in a doozy.

However, do not get me wrong- I may be doozy and just a little bit queasy in the stomach and head, but I am on cloud 9.  There are no words to describe how happy I am to have this opportunity to interact with a firm that I am so madly in love with (the crazy accountant in me just said that…).  For the past couple of days, since I set up this date, I’ve been pushing this moment to the side, afraid to even think about everything from what shoes I should wear to what I should say.

Now, usually I am a moderately confident person.  But a simple meeting with a Big 4 is enough to throw my confidence out the window.  I am so nervous because THIS is my time to impress, to show them who I am.  And honestly, I’ve never experienced one of these “lunch with an associate” or “office tours with meet and greet with partners and managers.”  Even as I am typing this post, my head is running wild with thoughts and my heart with nervousness.  I can’t help but think, what if I shake their hands too hard?, what if I say something awkward?, what if I get salad stuck in my teeth?, what if I eat too fast?, what if I forget to ask for cards?, what if I don’t have any questions?

The more I think I about tomorrow, the more I work up my heart and my brain… so I really shouldn’t be panicking.  But this is exactly what I felt before I interviewed with KPMG a couple of months ago.  This whole cycle is starting again- and I can’t tell you why KPMG makes me THIS nervous.  It’s like I want to be perfect, absolutely perfect, for them.  At the same time, I know that I can’t be a perfect candidate, no one can.  All I can be is… well, prepared.

I am going to make the best of my opportunity tomorrow and just relax.  And most importantly, I have to go prepared.  That is the key- and it helped me out last time, so hopefully it will help me out this time as well.  I never stop; once I put myself in a situation, I go forward with it and challenge the outcome.  Tomorrow is just another test for me, in my path to my career.  If I pass, then great!  If not, then I can move on- opportunities are experiences as well.

My outfit is already prepared: gray short-sleeved business casual dress, black stockings, black close-toed heels, and a white Guess bag.  I did not think a full-on business attire was necessary… so I went for an outfit that was casual but meant business at the same time.  And stockings are always a nice touch, but I have to wear stockings tomorrow because my legs would be mad ugly if anyone saw them… I went in the woods yesterday and little bugs and mosquitos made a feast out of my legs… Not to mention the weather is sooooo hot these days, making my business pants impossible to wear.

Wish me luck tomorrow as I experience my first lunch with an associate… and meet and greet with the partners and managers.  They prepared for me to come, so I need to be on the same page.  I must focus and relax.  This is what I wanted, this is (one of) the moments I have been waiting for.  I might as well just have fun with it- for all I know my tense aura could easily make tomorrow awkward.

But seriously though, at this point…

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A Tree of Lost Fruit

Often we lose something we took for granted.  Sometimes, we lose something small, something that we can let go over time.  Other times, we lose something significant, something that life reminds us, every day for the rest of our lives, that we lost it.

I have always been a believer in fate and destiny, where our paths are predetermined.  But I cannot help but wonder what good this does for me.  I may sound selfish, but I think it is important for us to know our purpose- I want to know my purpose.  Otherwise, are we all just puppets played for entertainment?

We all have lost things we took for granted, such as recess and Mom’s cooking for every meal.  How many of us have actually lost something big, something so big that it impacts our life in such a dramatic way?  Life has advanced so that we have solutions to some of these losses, but are they really answers?

Back to fate and destiny, does fairness factor into anything… at all?  It bothers me, angers me that there are people who have what I can’t have and yet they reject the blessing that they have been given.  I have open arms and for some reason beyond me, they will remain empty.  It’s odd, but I have felt the emptiness for awhile now.

Yes, I am selfish.  I want something that has been taken unfairly away from me.  It is not fair that other people who do not deserve it are able to have what I can’t have.  But there’s nothing that I can do.  All I can do is accept it.  Inside, there will always be dissatisfaction sitting upon my heart.  And unfortunately, you will never understand unless you lose this the way I did.

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I have found quite a few good buys recently!  Honestly, it’s really hard to find satisfactory clothes that are kind to the wallet these days.  😦  I bought items of clothing here and there, but for the most part, for the past couple of years, there was nothing, NOTHING.  The clothes that fit really well were way overpriced, and the ones that I could afford… looked like crap.  Okay, that was an exaggeration, they didn’t look like crap… but they were made from very poor quality fabrics.

Two weeks ago, I was looking for shorts for my uniform and I came across shorts that were… well… regular shorts!  Have you seen the shorts that are in stores these days???  Somehow, people like to call belts “shorts.”  I don’t understand this trend.  What is the point of having shorts when they barely cover your butt?? Okay… so I was surviving off of like… 4 shorts for the past 2 years.  One by one, they were getting knocked out of my drawers and into the arms of Big Brothers and Big Sisters.  AND I had one beige short left for my uniform… This was a doo-doo moment, meaning I WAS GOING TO BE LEFT PANTLESS FOR THE SUMMER.  Yes, I was sad- that’s why I had to go shorts shopping.  And I found real shorts!  But they sold fast- look to the photo on the left- those shorts are my savior.  I now have pants for the summer!  Hallelujah, no going tribal for me I guess!

I still didn’t get work pants though, so I might have to be nakee for work…

OH and the other buy that I would like to rave about is the shirt you see in the photo!  It is a sea green (?) zipper jacket-styled shirt from Wet Seal and it was on sale!  I like the look of it, it has a very retro casual feel and the fabric is soft and light.  It was a perfect wear for today’s weather, which was high 70s, slight breeze, and a hint of summer steam.

Today, I put the combo to work (my favorites out of my recent buys) with a pair of white sandals, swatch, and a Burberry check bowling bag.  End of the day?  I felt like a SUPERSTAR walking the streets of NYC.

Just kidding.  My units of happiness increased though~
✧・゚: *✧・゚:* \(◕ヮ◕✿)/ *:・゚✧*:・゚✧

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Playing with Mud

The GIF above pretty much summarizes my summer job… just kidding…

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Well, I’m back to my first paying job ever.  It’s very difficult to get a summer job these days… especially when employers find out that I am not going to college in the area.  I spent the majority of last summer searching and searching.  Almost every time, I was so close to being hired- until they found out that I go to school in California… such a turn-off.

This summer, I figured I should not waste time on applying and interviewing for jobs that I know I won’t get.  Oh and just on a side note, I think it is a kind of discrimination- positions should be held by people are who are capable and qualified… geographical location of college should not matter… I even brought up the fact that I can transfer out and then back whenever I am home.  I would still have skills…

But anyway, I went back to the good ol’ playground.  I like to think of this summer as my last summer as a “kid.”  And there is no better place to wrap up my childhood than here.  I was hoping to work with the little kids just because I love working with kids and they have a purity to them that people lose with age.  Annnnddd quite frankly, I am surrounded in a vicious field with gunner people.  I really wanted to spend my last summer as a kid… with kids- plain and simple.  But life doesn’t work like that, and I am working with 12-13 year olds.

So… I remember 7th grade as the period of time when girls smother themselves in make-up and dress inappropriately to gain attention for guys.  Oh and the girls like to be catty with one another and drown themselves with drama.  Well, this should be exciting!  I know that middle schoolers have changed greatly since I was in middle school… and to be honest, I’m not quite sure if that is a good or bad thing.

Today was my first day of training (I went through it once already… necessary for round 2???) and I felt like an 아줌마.  WOW, I was surprised at um, my “coworkers.”  I could not help but wonder how they were going to handle the kids… if they were acting like them… BUT I am not one to judge- it was just my observation.  And since there was a huge downpour yesterday (like… my phone went bizerk and gave me a flash flood warning), it was muddy everywhere, EVERYWHERE.  I made a poor decision by wearing flip-flops because there was this once spot that was like… quicksand and when we all stepped on it, we realized we were sinking.  Yes, we ran for our dear lives.  Yes, my feet and toenails are all black and brown now.

One day of training down, another 32013498498372498734032 to go.  No but really, that’s how many days it feels like.  It’s okay though, I will survive.

OH and it turns out that my division head is my high school Italian teacher’s sister.  What a surprise that was!

I hope this summer is a good one- I’m still on the fence about how I feel.  Half of me wants this type of summer, where I bum around and have fun, forever.  And the other half wants this to be the last so that I can transition into adulthood by next summer and start doing… adult summer things (Thirsty Thursdays with the coworkers after work?  Bowling on Saturday nights with the coworkers?  Dinner at a 5 star hotel with coworkers?)- I think you get my point.

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