Archive for November 18th, 2012

Shattered Glass


These days, it is more and more often that I wonder to myself why I have so many tears to cry.  No matter what, there is a lingering feeling of sadness and a weight that keeps pulling my heart down until I can’t breathe… until I feel hopeless and just give in to the continuous flow of tears.

It hurts so much.  This pain is unreal- it’s like someone pulled my heart out and diced it to pieces.  I do not even know what’s causing me so much pain, I’ve been trying to pinpoint the root for so long but I just can’t figure it out.

As I think about it, I’ve felt this way since summer 2011.  The first time I cried so hard and painfully in my life was the day I parted ways with my host family.  And I thought I got over it by the time I came back to the states.  But ever since, I’ve cried just as hard and painfully every so often.  I think it’s because I was the happiest I’ve ever been while I was with my host family and in Korea… and I just haven’t felt the same way since.  There are so many things that have gone wrong here, so many things that angered me here, so many things that have made me want to just let go.  But then I keep holding on because I keep telling myself that things will get better.  And so I cover my swollen eyes and replace my emotionless face with a smiling one.  I force myself to wake up every morning and look at people as if I’m doing fine, great.

I do not know how much longer I can handle this… this pretending.  It has gotten to the point where I come home every day and cry as hard and painfully as that last day in Korea.  This has taken a toll on my mind and body.  I can’t do this any longer.  When I look at myself in the mirror, I see the sadness in my own eyes, the pain slicing through my pupils.  I cry so much that my eyes are almost always swollen and my cheeks always have dried tear stains.  I don’t want to be like this anymore.

There’s no one… no one who will understand.  People have tried to understand but it’s just not the same… no one can know this pain and suffering that I feel.  I do not know where all these tears came from- I mean… I did not even think it was possible for a human to contain so many tears.  I cannot fathom what I did to deserve this.  And honestly, I do not know how much longer I can deal with this.

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Looking to serve a delicious snack or hors d’oeuvre?  The Bite-sized Berry Delight is perfect (in fact, I used it as a study snack yesterday!).

I tried this combo out yesterday- it tasted as delicious as it looked, so I decided to share it with all of my readers!!  (lucky you~~)

This is a very quick and easy snack to make and I bought most of my materials from Trader Joe’s, which I also highly recommend for its cheap prices and delicious food.

So… let’s get started!

What do I need?

  • Box of pita crackers.  A simple box of crackers will do too, but the pita crackers are thin and crispy.
  • Container of fresh cranberry sauce.  Fresh cranberry sauce is the best choice because there are pieces of cranberry in there that give each bite a tang of cranberry.
  • Box of blueberries.
  • Sliced cheese- I used pepper jack cheese because that was what I had in my fridge… but you are welcome to use any cheese that you like.  I tried it with brie cheese at Trader Joe’s sample station and that worked really well!

Now what?

  1. Lay the amount of crackers that you want to serve on a plate.
  2. Cut (or rip) the cheese into squares and place them on each cracker.
  3. Using a spoon, put a dab of cranberry sauce on the slices of cheese on each cracker.
  4. Top each cracker off with a blueberry.

All done!!

Wasn’t that simple and quick?

*Since Thanksgiving is coming up this week, this would serve as a great dessert/snack to share with the family!*

Hope you enjoy this recipe as much as I do~ 🙂

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