Archive for June, 2010

Love is one of the greatest emotions a person can experience.  Yet, it is also one of the worst emotions a person can suffer.

Take “The Peony Pavilion” as an example.  In its simplest outline, the opera is about a girl who is arranged to be married.  However, one night, she meets the love of her life in her dreams.  Her feeling of love for that man that she cannot be with overpowers her mind, and leads her to starvation.  Eventually, she dies.  Of course there is more to the story, but I cannot spoil everything here!  In fact… yesterday, I finished a book called Peony in Love by Lisa See.  The book parallels the opera, and with that said, I became fascinated with this disease known as “love sickness.”  Indeed, I had never heard of anything called “love sickness” before.  With more research, I had found that it is one of the more debatable terms in medicine.  What I mean is that some doctors do not consider “love sickness” an illness.  Others, on the other hand, feel that it is a mysterious kind of illness that is very powerful.  Aside from such disagreement and debate, I have found love sickness quite an interesting subject.  “The Peony Pavilion” was known to have harmed many young girls as they idolized Du Liniang and followed her footsteps in finding their way to true love and happiness.  So many centuries ago, and love sickness was a problem.  Is it still a problem today?

Today, love sickness is widely considered a non-medical term that describes the physical and mental symptoms of falling in love.  Some symptoms of love sickness include, but are not limited to:  hypomania, stress, OCD, and depression.  Since doctors do not take this illness seriously, there are not any statistics on love sickness and how it affects people and whatnot.  But, I like to think otherwise.  People do so many crazy things for love… this is what I call “love sickness.”

This, this… illness is under-diagnosed and more people are hurting themselves because of this fact!  Yes, a doctor can neither cure love sickness nor soothe it… but a doctor can make people aware of what they are experiencing… otherwise people just believe themselves to be going crazy over love.  In reality, it is just another emotion they are experiencing… and may I say, heavily.

Again, I must stress that love is a weird kind of emotion.  It has the ability to make people the happiest beings in the world, and it also has the power to turn people into monsters of pain and sadness.  Love has control over every single one of us.  Now that is scary.


First comes the terrible realization that the two of you are being separated.  For how long?  Who knows…

Second is your heart, beating so fast that you can barely catch your breath.  You feel your heart racing, pumping blood furiously… so rapidly that your chest is going to pop with pressure.

Third, tears well up in your eyes.  They don’t dare to drip from your face, but remain ever still, glazing your eyes with a sad wetness.

Fourth is withdrawal.  Words are caught up in your throat, leaving a lump so thick that you are not hungry.  You can barely swallow your own saliva.  Sleepless nights are spent journeying to find that One.  During the day, all you can do is isolate yourself because 1) no one will understand and 2) you need peace and quiet to figure out an alternate path to journey.

Fifth is the final step.  Dazed and confused without your other half, you wander like a sad maiden, on Earth and in Dreams.  For some, time is all it takes to lift them out of love sickness.  The illness never completely subsides, but you are able to move on.  Others, spend the rest of their life in this stage.

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Primary Sources 1

A Moment to Remember ( 머리 속의 지우개).2 Dir. John H. Lee, Cha Seoung-jae. CJ             Entertainment, 2004.

Audition (オーディション).3 Dir. Takashi Miike, Satoshi Fukushima. Vitagraph Films, 2000.

Cabot, Meg. The Princess Diaries.4 New York: HarperTeen, 2001.

Chou, Jay.5 Still Fantasy (依然范特西). Sony Music Taiwan, 2006.

DBSK (東方神起). Mirotic (주문).6 SM Entertainment, 2008.

Picoult, Jodi. The Pact.7 New York: Harper Perennial, 1999.

Spencer, LaVyrle. Separate Beds.8 New York: Jove, 1986.

Super Junior (슈퍼주니어).9 Bonamana (미인아). SM Entertainment, 2010.


1 Hatched on April 28, 1993 in New York, I began my clumsy adventure in search of who “[Kokoseyo]” was.  As a child, I had no other interests except art, specifically fashion designing.  Choosing to do nothing else but draw all day long, I was quite a boring child.  Then, one day, my parents reminded me that I need food to survive and that working as a fashion designer was not going to be enough for me to put food on the table.  Once I dropped fashion designing and began to poke and prod around other activities, I found a different side of myself.  The journey to  discover who I really am is not yet complete.  But, I have traveled a long way since my isolated fashion designing days.

2 All through my elementary and middle school years, I spent every Saturday and Sunday scribbling solutions to difficult math problems.  Sometimes I could not help but look outside the window and see my neighbors playing in their backyard while I was stuck inside working out of a math book.  I could not even pretend to work or shove the book aside and do something else because my dad checked all of my math work; I considered this child labour.  The only thing I was allowed to do during my “break” was play the piano.  When Dad looked over my hard work, he would point out every mistake I made, even if it was a minor one.  It sucked to have no choice but to sit there and listen to my dad explain the “correct way” to solve such and such problems, while my peers were riding bicycles, watching Spongebob Squarepants, etc.  By the time I entered high school, my dad finally gave me more freedom; this was due, in part, to the fact that I had completed every math workbook that was available at the library.  Though I was frustrated with the work as a child, I grew to be proud of my efforts as my high school math courses increasingly became difficult.  When my classmates struggled to understand a topic in class, I knew it like my own birthday.  For the first time, I was thankful of having such a strict and math-loving dad.  Even when I had problems with certain questions here and there, I had a dad who could assist me at any given moment.

Over the years, Dad aged.  His myelin sheath began to wear, essentially affecting his originally sharp math skills.  All Dad does now is watch television and sleep.  He’s forgetful and introverted.  There is an eraser in his head.  “Once your memory is gone, your soul is gone as well.”

3 When I was fourteen years old, I developed an obsession with horror films.  Actually, I would have started watching horror movies earlier, but I did not have the luxury of high-speed internet.  Watching American horror was not enough.  I would be scared for a moment or two, but the feeling came and went.  I was seeking horror films that were going to leave me sleepless and give me nightmares.  Every time I watched a Japanese horror movie, I felt a high.  Starting with Japan’s horror film of the decade, “Audition,” I was captivated by the torture scene at the end and the infamous “body bag” scene.  The movie was so spine tingling that I had to turn away from my computer screen as the man’s foot was being sawed off.  However, I wanted more horror movies.  So I searched for every Japanese horror film that was available on YouTube and Crunchyroll.  When I watched all that there was, I moved on to Korean horror movies.  Everyday, I craved for more horror movies.  Japanese and Korean horror was gorier than American horror; they satisfied my craving for blood and increased my adrenaline.

4 In the third grade, my then best friend and I pretended we were princesses in other worlds that we made up.  We had different teachers, so the only time we were able to talk during school was recess.  While everyone else was on the swings or playing on the jungle gym, we isolated ourselves by these two lone trees- one was my tree and the other was her tree.  All we had to do was touch our fingers to the trunk of the trees to travel to our own imaginary worlds.  Everyday, we took turns going to each other’s “worlds.”  Her world was known as “Dreamland.”  In “Dreamland,” she was the princess and I was her guest.  There, we were able to do anything we dreamt of, so we would prance around and do somersaults.  My world was called “Wishland.”  Similar to the concept of “Dreamland,” I was the princess this time and she was my guest.  “Wishland,” rather than being a carefree and childish place like “Dreamland,” was a world where we would lay on the grass and rest.  Sprawled on the fresh grass and protected under the shade of the “Wishland” tree, we would reminisce about our memories together and about our personal life- the time we went to Boomers and I was too short to drive a cart, so she gave me one of her sandals, the boy that she had a crush on but was too afraid to approach, or what potions we could concoct the next time we had a sleepover.  In “Dreamland” and “Wishland,” it was just the two of us-best friends- with no other thoughts but our childish fancies.

5 My mother is a homemaker.  She is always home cleaning, cooking, and caring for me and my sister.  I spent so much time with her that I am still very attached to her.  She was the one who taught me ABC’s and how to add and subtract.  On top of that, she also taught me a bunch of other little things as I was learning how to speak.  When Dad yelled at me and smacked my forehead for not getting math problems correct, Mom would come to my defense and take those feelings of hurt away.  That time I touched the stove and burned my finger, she gently placed a band-aid around it.  That time I touched a light bulb and burned my finger, once again, Mom yelled at Dad for not watching me.  That time I fell off the kitchen counter and had a bad nosebleed, Mom rolled some tissues to stuff in my nostrils.

Searching for a way out of Communist China, Mom found a way to Macau and then America, her ultimate goal.  She wanted to come to America to give her children the best opportunities available.  Here, she did everything in her power to raise me and my sister to be respectable and filial daughters.  “Listen to mother’s words, don’t let her get hurt.  You want to grow up quickly so that you can take care of her.  Beautiful white hair, growing inside happiness.  Angel’s magic benevolence within her gentleness.”

6 Up until early last year, I only listened to American, Taiwanese, and Japanese music.  For some reason, I never cared to try Korean music, even though I had heard that they have amazing choreography accompanying their music.  One evening, I was cruising on my Facebook, when someone posted up the latest DBSK video, “Mirotic.”  Bored, I was tempted to watch the video.  After watching the music video, I was blown away by the amount of talent DBSK had.  The choreography was extremely complex and the beat was very catchy.  From here on, I changed into a new person.  I was more involved in the Asian entertainment business than ever!  It was weird because one music video, one song, made me respect the Korean culture in a new way.  There is no other word to describe my craze but “obsession.”  Following “Mirotic,” I was on a hunt for other DBSK songs and Korean entertainers.  My friends were so shocked at my change that they asked me “what happened?!”  Beyond Korean music, I grew to like the Korean culture, as a whole, more and more.  I felt the desire to learn the language, eat their food, and experience their lifestyle.  Finally, this summer, I will be traveling to South Korea for a cultural experience- the opportunity I have been waiting so long for.

7 Ever since I was a child, I did not enjoy reading.  Though my parents made me take out books to read, I was never captivated by them.  To me, books were just packets of paper filled with nonsense letters and pointless plots.  The fact was that most of these books were fiction!  I never understood how reading about something that did not even happen was “interesting.”  Despite that I loathed reading, I did it anyway because school work required me to.  Bored, I would skim through chapters and take “breaks” from reading.

When I was in the seventh grade, there was a book recommendation in the New York Post for The Pact by Jodi Picoult.  The summary in the advertisement caught my attention.  For once, I wanted to read something.  As weird as it may seem, after reading this book, I regretted wasting all those years not reading!  People always say that there is magic in reading; though it is sad to say, I finally found the magic of books when I was in the seventh grade.  Books, it seemed, explained things, things that made no sense on any normal occasion.  But, once I read, there were hidden messages and ideas that the author was hinting at.  On many occasions, the different themes of each book helped me understand life from different perspectives.

I spent the rest of that summer entangled in Jodi Picoult books.  Reading every book she had written to date, I was so intrigued with her stories.  By the time I had finished reading all of her books, I grew an appreciation towards reading and English class.  Like never before, I actually listened in English and felt a closer connection to the books I was assigned to read.  Books were no longer distant objects in my life, they were symbols of a new passion I developed.  After Jodi Picoult, I pursued other “thought- inspiring” pieces of work, such as Gone with the Wind, The Count of Monte Cristo, The Five People You Meet in Heaven, Anna Karenina, etc.

8 One of my hobbies is watching dramas.  Early 2008, I began a drama known as “Fated to Love You.”  This drama followed a period of time in my life where I stopped watching dramas for awhile.  I was bored with the same love stories repeated in Taiwanese dramas.  Plus, the silliness in these dramas was getting ridiculous.  I was seeking dramas with more meaning in them, perhaps ones with themes and morals.  “Fated to Love You” introduced something I had never thought about before: fate.  Every person I meet in life is important in some way; they add to my life and make it what it is.

I used to be easily frustrated by my mistakes.  Things that I did wrong never left my thoughts, rather, they remained as a reminder of how stupid I was at one point or another.  Regrets haunted me all the time.  However, I never thought that my life was controlled by something called fate.  Is my life planned out already?  Did fate set everything up to get me to a specific destination?  The strangers that I met and have yet to meet, are they a key to another event in my life?

9 My iTunes was always dominated by soft rock and pop songs.  I was never the type to enjoy upbeat dance music.  For one, it hurt my ears and the music sounded choppy and unflattering.  Especially, I hated techno sounds because it was not real singing.  There are singers with beautiful voices, but choose to hide it with robotic technology.

“Bonamana” was my first experience with a new genre of music.  I am a huge fan of Super Junior, but their new style of music shocked me.  When “Bonamana” was first released, I was surprised at the change in their style of music.  They were experimenting with something called “SJ Funk” and “Bonamana” was supposed to represent this new genre of music.  I neither hated the song, nor liked it at first; my initial reaction was a blank stare.  Something inside me told me to hate the fact that my favorite band was singing a song in the exact type of music I disliked.  On the other hand, I wanted to hit the “replay” button and get up and dance to the song.  Confusion- that was what I felt.

Music is a funny thing.  Especially when it is made by Super Junior.  Beyond “Bonamana,” which I absolutely adore now, I have been and am crazy for anything by Super Junior.  Many people do not think that musicians can change them, but I beg to differ.  Loving Super Junior has  made me do many things I would not have done.  Take “Bonamana” as an example- I never thought that I would listen to upbeat, party music.  It has also been quite an experience learning to dance to some of their songs.  I never enjoyed dancing, until I came across Super Junior.  And everyone can remember their first celebrity crush.  I mean, a celebrity crush is an experience that everyone should have.  Well, Kyuhyun is my first serious celebrity crush.  I’ll be honest, I have never liked a celebrity more than Kyuhyun.  It’s quite funny because I know I am such a “fangirl,” but I cannot help but save pictures of Kyu and create collages with them, or write long blog posts about him.  I bet ten to twenty years from now, I’ll be laughing at my behavior.  For now, Kyu is my perfect idol.  We have so much in common, beginning with our names…

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With the conclusion of my Physics exam on Tuesday, Summer 2010 began.


The first half of my summer will officially begin this coming Monday.

For the first time in my life, I will have my very first job as a camp counselor.

The exciting part is meeting the kids and being able to interact with new people.

I need  a change in environment and this job is offering me this opportunity.

Where nothing exists but laughter and fun, I will be able to let myself go for 6 weeks.

Seems like everyone already has formed their own cliche, but I never expected any less.

I’ll just do my own thing and time will fly by.

Will the kids like me?  Am I doing the best that I can?  Have I become someone they can trust?

We’ll just have to find out Monday…


My last day at the camp will lead me right into South Korea.

How exciting it is to escape… somewhere far, far away.

Exotic excursions on foreign soil… digging depths into the past.

The people I am sick of being around, out of my sight.

Making new memories, friends.

What lies in Seoul, the Paris of South Korea?

Is something awaiting me there?


Indeed… summer has arrived.

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World Cup 2010… such a big event… in the sports world~  Who are you supporting?

… that, I don’t know.  Brazil might be popular pick, and usually people will give huge support to their home country.  I know I should probably support the U.S., but I think I’m gonna give it my all for South Korea this year.  Of course somewhere in me is rooting for the U.S., but I’m totally intent on getting those South Koreans to win this year!  Wooohooo~

Unfortunately, this will be a long and hard fight for South Korea because they are putting themselves up against some amazing teams (i.e. Brazil, England, Spain, Portugal, Italy, Netherlands, Germany).  But, hey, things happen… 😉

Any who, it seems like those Korean entertainers are also pumped over South Korea’s victory over Greece and chance to enter round 16!  Let’s see, I’ve seen Super Junior, Kim Yuna, and Big Bang ads for the “Go red” chant… or rather I’ve only noticed SuJu, Kim Yuna, and Big Bang ads.  LOL…

No idea why I really want South Korea to win… there isn’t a China or Taiwan team to support, so for some reason, I channeled all my patriotism in South Korea?  Who knows… I think I just really like Koreans and Kyu <33333

Speaking of Kyu and all those silly SuJu boys… take a look at their reaction to the victory over Greece:

LOL… in the second one, Ryeowook looks like he is being pulled upwards by an unknown force… 😀

While you’re here on this page reading my blog… watch this video… it’s of Super Junior singing a “victory” song:


Let’s give a round of applause for South Korea’s efforts so far~  Wish them the best of luck in the World Cup 2010… and I believe their next game is June 22nd at 8:30 PM South Africa time.  They will be playing Nigeria.  LOVE YOU SOUTH KOREA~  SEE YOU IN AUGUST!!!!!!!


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Credit to National Geographic

More than ever, I am anticipating the trip to South Korea this coming August.  Less than 2 months away, I am actively planning out everything. In the midst of this planning and searching, I found an itinerary of the trip.  Now, the following pictures are not mine… I just found them on google images.  So, apparently, this is a rough outline of what is in plan:

1st stop:  Shinchon Tour

Shopping, walking, sightseeing, etc.  around the Yonsei area.  Oi!  I’m most excited about the shopping… There’s nothing a girl would like better than to shop in the fashion center of East Asia~!

2nd stop: The DMZ Tour

A little historical touch~ I’m so excited to see the famous DMZ line.  Time to visit the area separating N. Korea and S. Korea with my very own eyes…

3rd stop: National Museum of Korea

I haven’t even been to the Metropolitan Museum of Art, yet I’ll see the National Museum of Korea first!  LOL… this is sad… I live right in NY too… Well, art is a beautiful thing that I would love to spend the time to observe… since I have never had the chance to do that in a respectable museum… yet. 😉

4th stop: Cheonggyecheon Stream

So, I’ll get to walk along the river… and from pictures I’ve seen, the stream is absolutely beautiful.  Yay!  I’m so happy that I’ll get the opportunity to visit the lovely waters… I’ll be sure to take lots of pictures… And I know some of you may think that it’s just water, but I think it’ll be prettier than some of the polluted bodies of water that I see here in America…

5th stop: Insadong

From what I know, Insadong is a cultural center.  I’m sooo looking forward to this because the area is filled with shops of cultural items.  The pictures that I’ve included here almost look like the Chinatowns and Flushings here in NY.  LOL… this should be exciting… I’m almost expecting Insadong to be the authentic version of Koreatown (which I’ve never been to).

6th stop: Gyeongbokgung Palace

Wahaha~ traditional palace of Korea!  Definitely highly anticipating this one!  The ancient architecture should be fascinating and anything traditional is usually pretty cool…. !  Probably lots of Korean history… lies in this palace.

7th stop: Homestay

Wooo~ this is as good as abroad goes!  Living with an actual Korean family and experiencing their culture and lifestyle hands-on is awesome!  I’ll be Korean for a few days, with a Korean family and all!  hahah~

8th stop: Hanok Tour

More tradition! … as a Hanok is a traditional Korean Village!

9th and final stop: Taekwondo Class

I’ve never flipped in the air.  No somersaulting, no flippies, no cartwheels, no nothing.  Taekwondo will be my first flip in the air (along with my other firsts in Korea).  H-a-p-p-y!  I’ll learn some cool moves and come back to the U.S. ready to kick some butt! HIIYYAAAA!



I’ll actually be experiencing lots of “firsts!”

Plus, on top of everything else, Big Bang‘s comeback is in August!  Yay~!

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It’s summertime.  It’s hot.  I’m sweaty, you’re sweaty.  What to do?  EAT 팥빙수 Patbingsu~!

I’ve never tried this “팥빙수 Patbingsu” before, but man does it look delicious!  Apparently, it’s a really popular snack/dessert in South Korea that people love to chow on during the summer months.  The yummy 팥빙수 Patbingsu is basically shaved ice and sweetened azuki beans.  But nowadays, there are variations of 팥빙수 Patbingsu in which other things are added to the dessert either for taste purposes or for appearance purposes.  Whatever they do with 팥빙수 Patbingsu, I still drool at the sight of it!  Hahah…

Now, the real attractiveness about 팥빙수 Patbingsu is that it looks very fresh and colorful.  I’m not a fan of artificial foods or anything that looks plastic.  I only eat natural and healthy foods because, as they always say, “you are what you eat.”  So, I try to keep my diet in check and I hope that my skin reflects that. OO”

Any who, 팥빙수 Patbingsu…  From pictures, it is always decorated with freshly cut fruits and my goodness, are there A LOT of fruits.  wahaha~ I think the variety of fruits gives it color and life.  *drool*

There’s really not much else I can say about 팥빙수 Patbingsu because I’ve never eaten the dessert… So I don’t want to blab on about something I haven’t even tasted.  In essence, all I can do now is hope that I’ll have the opportunity to try 팥빙수 Patbingsu when I go to Korea this August.  Soooo looking forward to it!  I’ll definitely blog about it if I do get the chance.  I mean, this is something that I wouldn’t be able to hold back from my wordpress!  Mmmmmm 팥빙수 Patbingsu~

팥빙수 Patbingsu, here I come!

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After reading some other compilations of lists of reasons for Kyu’s hotness, I’ve decided to create my very own personal list of reasons for why I love him so much.  And of course there are more than 10 reasons why I love Kyu, but I’ll just give you a bite of why he’s mine (that’s right).

Top 10 Reasons Why I Am In Love With Cho Kyuhyun:

1. His voice- the first time I heard his voice was his solo in U (korean version).  oh my gah… his voice is to die for!  when he sings, it vibrates you like an opera singer’s voice vibrates glass~  he absolutely makes beautiful music, I can never get sick of it.  At the sound of kyu’s voice, I melt into a little puddle…

2. Awkward but cute- his presence is always so awkward… lol but it’s not weird or anything… I mean, most people can’t pull it off, but kyu can still manage to be cute even though whatever he says or does is soo soo awkward.

Lol… I just love how right after the awkward moment, he’ll just purse his lips together and smile.  It’s like what they always teach little kids to do when they are in a sticky spot: smile and act “kyute”!

3. The cute smile- I know I mentioned it briefly before, but I must make a separate listing for his smile!  The smile is enough to make you feel all giddy inside.  His smile is kind of like a “teeheehee” smile, like he knows a secret, but won’t tell it.  And he always has this smile on his face!  lol I could stare at his face all day, every day, and not get sick of it.  When I’m in a bad mood, I just search up a picture of Kyu and look at it- it makes things better for me 😀  Awww… looking at his smile makes me want to smile!  Lol, watch this video of him laughing at Zhou Mi- I know it’s not exactly high quality, but Kyu is so cute when he collapses from laughter…

4. His shyness- he’s so modest for a guy.  When you watch all those SuJu MVs or concerts, the other SuJu members have a tendency to bare some skin, such as their abs or their arms.  But the majority of Kyu is always covered up.  Once in awhile, he’ll hint at his arms by rolling up his sleeves, or wear a V-neck to show a little bit of his neck and collarbone area… the mystery is nevertheless very tempting lol… I love how he doesn’t bare it all for the world to see… it’s like sluts- they bare it all to the world so no one wants to look at them anymore.  But with Kyu, at least there is some mystery left in him… *drool*

5. When he pelvic thrusts… he puts every man to shame, including the hottest of the hottest.  This might sound weird as a reason to like someone, but if you have never seen Kyu pelvic thrust in his MVs, then you have no right to judge! 😉 It’s totally worth it to watch Kyu pelvic thrust.  Here is the epic Kyu pelvic thrust- it’s a Kyu cut from Bonamana…

6. His hair- it’s perfect… absolutely perfect… it’s so soft, fluffy, and light.  Usually, I hate guys with curly hair… it just always appeared kind of funny looking to me.  BUT… for Kyu, it’s incredibly adorable!  A light curl or straight hair (like he has now) is all cool with me.  If I ever have the chance to see him in person, I would love to twirl my finger in his curls…

<—– This is what I call “perfection.”

7. His skin… oh my gah… so, so smooth~  I’ve never seen such beautiful skin before!  Unlike how some people like the whole “tall, dark, and handsome” look, I love how he’s fair skinned.  It’s so pure-looking… That’s it!  He’s an Angel!  That would explain his smooth, fair, and beautiful skin!  If you think about it, he kind of glows too…

No one can beat Kyu’s angelic glow —–>

8. The nice Chinese accent he has- When Kyu speaks Chinese, I am floating on Cloud Nine.  As if it’s not hot enough when he speaks Korean, he’s super hot when he speaks a language I can understand~!  Oh, every time he speaks Chinese, I like to imagine he’s talking to me 😉

9. The feminine side- lol this one is super weird, I know… but every man has a girly side… it’s just that for other men, it’s odd behavior.  For Kyu, his girly side makes him extra cute!  His feminine side is what makes Kyu… Kyu. 😀  *sigh*

10. Kyu’s lips are absolutely irresistible.  Though they are fairly thin, I think it looks super hot on him.  Take notice that in his poses, his lips always look like they are slightly parted.  It’s like the photographer always takes a picture while he’s taking a breath. hahaha… Oh how I love Kyu…

Kyuhyun’s delicious lips *yum* ———->

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